woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
