I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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