I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
