My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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