shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
