if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
