I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
