i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize