We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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