i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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