At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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