I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
