no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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