i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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