if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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