there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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