There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
