the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
