Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
