Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
