I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
