so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
