I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
