sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
