he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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