bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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