SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
