So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
