Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
