In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
