They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
