He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The police scanner is talking about you again....
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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