I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
now i know why i became what i already was.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
