I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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