Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
