She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Boobs speak an international language.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
