when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
