I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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