If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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