if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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