That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize