Too much gin, very little bucket
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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