You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
