What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Randomize
