is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Pants are for mortals
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
