Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
