Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
