I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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