I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
