8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
