I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
