Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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