Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
