please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
