I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
