My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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