my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
