whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
