Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
