the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize