Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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