do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
