So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
