Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
