Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
